Top Eleven Reasons the Reformed Theologian Didn't Cross the Road

Oh, too, too funny.  I especially like #11.

11. A woman already crossed. We don’t follow women.
10. We don’t believe the road is safe. It wasn’t built between 1500-1700 A.D.
9. We believe that “road crossing” ceased with the death of the last Apostle or the completion of the New Testament.
8. The crossing guard was only helping people cross from one side to the other, so we are suspicious. Is this a denial of double pre-destination?
7. Neither Romans 9 or John 6 say anything about crossing roads. Therefore, it is unbiblical.
6. The “Walk” sign was gender neutral. It made us mad.
5. The road was called Tiber Ave.
4. John Wesley said that God’s prevenient grace would pave the way, but we have to take the steps ourselves. What a load!
3. We were not elected to cross before the foundation of the road.
2. Piper said that God is most glorified when we are most satisfied on our side of the road.
1. The pub is on this side of the road.